Living on the edge

I cannot comprehend whatever is happening to me these days. A few months before I would not have imagined that I would get stuck in such complex situations. The emotional side of me is irrepressible and yearning for more....... But whatever it is and whatever is said and done, I enjoyed those moments and would never curtail the effluence. The streaming is gentle but uninterrupted and it is feeding the thirsty banks which were pining for a driblet of water.

My first instinct was to rue over it but now I thank myself because I at least have some pleasant befalling to bite on......and have something to think about and ruminate.... my mind is now surfeited...... and thankful for having such understanding souls around me to hold on to......

Dream Castles built on sand

Today the sea was so agitated. The waves were rising high and smashing against the shore. Darkness was creeping in steadily and the sunset was sporadically veiled by the dark clouds. The beach was almost empty except for a few sea side vendors who were packing their goods and cursing the weather for marring their business. A couple of kids were busily building sand castles using the wet sand that was watered by the high waves. The Girl was standing at the far end of the beach watching the waves and mulling over the similarity between the both- the agitated sea and her demented mind.

She knew that this was the day. The day when all her dreams will be shattered. She stood there waiting for the Boy to come. He had called her earlier today and asked her to come to this place. He sounded so formal and she read the undercurrents in his words.

They used to meet at this place regularly but this was her first trip to the beach alone. Her mind was disturbed like never before. Her thoughts shifted from the agitated sea to her quondam meetings with the boy. She remembered how she used to lie on his shoulder, holding his hand and listening to all that he had to say. But now she felt so lonely and tried to divert her mind from those thoughts. But she failed miserably.....

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she did not realize the presence of the boy near her. He stood there with out disturbing her and thinking of his mission to meet her. He had come here to meet her for the last time and to bid good bye.

The strong western wind was erratically playing with her hair and the dupatta. He moved closer to her and combed her hair with his hand, lining it to the back of her ear. She was suddenly wakened from her disturbing thoughts and took a step back. There remained an uncomfortable silence in the air. She looked at him with obscured feelings waiting for him to start the conversation. It was a strange feeling since they have not remained silent like this......... not even once..... as far as she could remember. But now.... a word has become precious like an oasis in the desert.

The silence grew with the darkness and it had become unctuously unendurable. But she sincerely wished this to continue because this silence was less painful than parting.

But his mind was engrossed in different thoughts. He wanted to end this excruciating silence. He put his hands on her shoulder and whispered to her "Sorry dear..... Good bye!!!!". She felt as if she was struck by a bolt and stood there completely shocked and immoveable. Without waiting for a reply he walked past her. She stood there following his trail with her moist eyes. She wished that he will stop and will come running back to her. But he continued to walk.... without thinking of the meaningless words that he uttered. On his way, he deliberately stamped on the sand castle build by the kids, destroying it completely.... exactly the way he ruined her dream castle that was pillared with her love......!!!!!

Delicious ambiguity

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next........ Delicious ambiguity"

Author: Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

Pic Courtesy: www.fridgedoor.com

Canary in a coal mine

I decided to lock my key board when I realized that my pennings have started to hurt people. It was neither intentional nor a deliberate attempt designed to defame people. Nevertheless I would like to unfeignedly apologize even for the slightest smite caused to anybody who felt that I was trying to sabotage their good name...... and in turn their life!!!!! Let me shower my sincere gratitude to people who never tried to understand the gist of whatever was written in this space.

I tried to control myself from continuing with this blog, tried to kill it in its infancy but an inner voice, which was quite strange to me, asked me to flow on.... till it meets it death naturally...

But I am sensing an impending danger- a vague vision but it keeps on recurring. A venomous snake clinging to my toe slowly inflicting in me its deadly poison right from the extreme end. I feel like I am dethroned from my ingenious kingdom which never existed. The usurper is a stranger to my eyes but a very familiar being to my subconscious mind. The pallor starts disseminating slowly covering me in a pall of glumness. I feel its phantasmal presence all over. I feel that the terminus is near..... very near that I can extend my hand and touch..... a pinning cold aesthesis!!!!!!

The Silent Witness

On a cold morning, 'Girl' wished to go for a long drive with 'Boy'. She liked such trips with boy and he had always obliged to her wishes. Their love had blossomed during such long drives. They always took the same road and that road was so special to both of them. There was a lone badam tree by the side of the road and Girl had developed some special attachment to the tree. She used to keep gazing at the tree when ever they passed by. That day she felt so special and remained silent during their drive down the deserted road.

Boy: (on a sleepy mode) What happened dear? Why are you so silent?
Girl: (turned towards him but remained silent)
Boy: (smiling) I think you had a bad night's sleep yesterday.... Were you dreaming about me??? he he!!
Girl: (still remained silent but smiled)

The badam tree was in sight at a distance and she kept her eyes on that. Boy looked at her and followed her gaze to the tree.

Girl: (keeping her eyes on the tree and like waking up from a dream) Have you ever noted that tree dear?
Boy: (as if he haven't seen that tree at all) Which tree?
Girl: Nothing
Boy: Oh... ok... that badam.... yeah... i have seen it. why? Whats it with the tree?
Girl: (remained silent)

She was in a dream land. She dreamt that they were standing below the tree holding each other on a tight hug. She felt as if she was on top of the world when she cuddled in his arms in this cold morning. Suddenly her dream was broken when the car came to a sudden halt. She opened her eyes and saw that boy had stopped the car right near the badam tree. Boy jumped out of the car and came to her side. He gently pulled her out of the car and led her to the tree. The cold morning breeze danced through her hair and made her more beautiful. He pulled her towards him and hugged her the way she wished. She forgot the surroundings and settled in his arms not letting this moment to slip away. She was so happy.... so contented..... she looked in his eyes with unexplainable emotions and kissed him. That was the best moment in their lifes.

The badam tree looked at them happily and wished them the best.

She held his hand tightly on their way back home. She was so surprised how her wish was granted. When she got down at her home, she went to him and whispered..... "I love you"!!!!!!!!

Years later, the boy was driving down the same road with his wife. He saw the same badam tree but now with the company of some bushes that sprouted out after the rain. The sight of the tree brought in him flashes of memories of his past. He looked at his wife. She was sleeping after the long and bitter argument they had previous night. He brought the car to a halt near the tree. His wife woke up and stared at him. He asked her to get down and she obeyed but with some dubiety. Soon as she reached under the shades of the tree, he pulled her towards him and hugged her. She was shocked and pushed him away angrily.

Wife: (shouting angrily) What the hell are doing? Are you mad?
Boy: (remained silent but staring straight at her)
Wife: You think that you are still a teenager. But you are not. This is a public place man and what an ambience to show love.... uhh!!!!!!!
(And she quickly got back in to the car)

Leaning on the tree he stood there for some time. Drained of all thoughts he got back in to the car and turned on the ignition. He gently looked at the tree and with a vacuous mind he drove away....!!!

The tree stood there with teary eyes and waved him good bye.... and waited for another spring to come driving by.......!!!!!

Doctored relationships

What does relationship mean?? It is a state of connectedness between people especially an emotional connection.  Being a social animal, we all have relationships. But to what extend are we emotionally involved.... say in a friendly relationship, in a love relationship, or in parental relationship etc.....? The point to ponder is the word "emotional".

We all use the word "affair" to depict a "love affair". The actual meaning of affair is- an intense amorous relationship, usually of short duration- A romantic and sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other. But we all proclaim that somebody or even ourselves is having an affair. Do we really mean it that way? Or is it just that we are following the language that we are used to.

But in the recent times, relationships especially friendship and love have taken a slue towards the right meaning of the term "affair"....not to mention the emotional quotient. Relationships have been manipulated and doctored in all possible ways. Even a ten year old have started approaching the opposite sex just for the "affair" factor. Just imagine the plight of things when he/she grows up.

Lets not act as if we are not prone to it. It definitely includes you and me and it emphatically affects us. It definitely requires our sincere effort and ageless struggle towards building a better place to live.

Lets pray for a better place to live..... a place where each of us are emotionally attached to each other... Lets pray that we are filled and repleted with moral values and flavours of unfeigned love and care...... Lets pray........ !!!

I want to take you home

I open my window to see the "Kani Konna" with full of yellow flowers portraying nature in its full feel. The earth beneath is a canvas of fresh yellow. I leave all the lickings behind and I even forget the rising temperature. All I feel is just the caressing warmth of the beautiful nature.

A breeze came dancing in through the wooden frame fondling me gently, brushing my cares away. The soft melody that is circling in the background makes my day even more splendiferous. If you ask me for a single reason to live, I will say with out a second thought that I wish to live just to stand by my window enjoying this exquisite feeling forever.

I wish all my dear friends were here with me to enjoy this beauteous day. I wish "you" were here with me too. You know how much I wanted to take you home to stand beside me near the window, hand in hand, to enjoy this resplendent moment..... together!!!!!!

Rahmaniac......

"The picture says it all...... what a proud moment for all his fans...... the Mozart of Madras with his divine music has enthralled all.......

Yet another golden feather to the "already crowded" cap of this humble human being...!!!! Let this music go on forever........!!!!!!!"

Pic courtesy: Associated Press

yokefellows

Life...... gimme more!!!!!

The title seems like an avaricious goof's lament. But please don't be prejudiced... I am not one of those goofs who make a hue and cry that nothing is enough. I do realize that everybody desires more out of life and is not allayed with whatever they have..... and you may term me as one of them. But let me explain.....

It has been almost 4 years since I have become stagnant, both professionally and personally. Looking out for a new job or a new relationship gives me absolute creeps!!! I am afraid of things going wrong.... afraid of taking the turns.... afraid of meeting with failure.... and i know all these are common aches.... yet when it comes to self, its disgusting.

In a job, what would you feel if your are asked to report vertically, horizontally and diagonally??? Would you sense a role conflict?? Would you feel that the enjoyment is being tweeted out of your work??? How would you feel if you are over-supervised and duties are not delegated in the way it should be??? Its inviolable pandemonium!!!! And I am virtually in the heart of this bedlam.

I have been trying to change myself to fit to the environment. Trying to see the virtuous side of it with out complaining. But now it has come to an impasse... I want things to change.... I want things to be different...... I am ready to fight for a brand new beginning... ready to sacrifice... ready to forfeit all those comforts and comfort zones..... and in reciprocation I want life to give me more!!!!!!