Will Power

Lack of will power is the newest villain in my life. I never realised that I lacked such a great quality and second the fact that its indeed regretful to miss this virtue. Whatever it may sound like, I really need a backing to acquire this upstanding quality... sooner or it will be too late to repent!!!!

I am enjoying the newly found rhythm of climbing steps. Take one step at a time and it ties in to a fast paced music in your mind and body. Take two steps at a time... stretched ones..... you may gather more ground and distance but it relates to a melodious soothing euphony. But the rhythm and the beat changes when you descend. You tend to get delighted about the easiness of coming down and forget the rhythm and the music associated with the contrary. The melody is lost. Its common to mistake and map the easiness and delight to success until you find out the the comfort you enjoyed while descending have resulted in placing yourself at the bottom of the stack. Just take a glance at the top and you will realize that you will have to find a different rhythm, all over again, to climb back.... and that requires a lot of will power!!!!!!

Nowadays, I am getting exceedingly irritated. I have my hypertension to blame for my inordinate irritation. But that is quite unreasonable.... the effects of HT on your body is apprehensible but its effects on your mind and your thought process is unfathomable. It definitely have some known connection and I have no intention to explore more.

Let me get back to "will power" cultivation!!!!!!

Ramayana - Core Value Proposition

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Courtesy: Kris Ashok for this brilliant presentation!!!!!

A conflicting hypothesis

The red ornate meat at the left side of my body is pounding heavily. I could feel the throb and the tireless flow of hot fluid......... doctors term it as hypertension. Quite strange..... hypertension at this age... very uncommon!!!!!

I have felt this throbbing before, when I was with my love..... long back in school. That was a delight... a feeling of joy but now....this is disturbing.

Wish everything is back to normal and that the throbbing happens only for love and not by any somatic disorders!!!!!

It was raining

It was raining.....

I waited for you and you never came

It was raining.....

I saw you in his arms and you tickled my bane

It was raining.....

I saw you with your child playing in the rain

It was raining.....

I saw you weeping at the end of the nuptial game

It was raining.....

You came to me and I was vexed about defame

It was raining.....

You talked to me but I was not the same

It was raining.....

You walked away and I lolled my head in shame

It was raining....

I cried and my tears were washed away by the rain

It was raining and its still raining!!!!

Social Networking for Enterprise - HR ConnectIn

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The Overclouded World

Jasna was not that pretty. She was dark and short. Clad in a pair of black jeans and a dark red top which made her more untempting. But she had an aura which no one could ignore. I first noted her when she came walking through the railway platform trying to balance a heavy travel bag on her shoulders. She came and stopped right near the bench (the only vacant one in the station) where I was comfortably seated and alighted the burden from her shoulders. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and adjusted her dress which was drenched with sweat. She took the far end of the bench and never noticed my stagging vision which was closely spying on her for the past couple of minutes.

She sat there with her eyes closed... Her face testified the weariness due to the heat and the weight she was carrying. I waited for a few more minutes and decided to make the move.... though a bit apprehensive.

Me: Which train???? Kpuram Passenger?

Awakened by my sudden query, she opened her eyes. Her face demoed all the vexation for disturbing her thoughts and solitude. She turned to me abruptly as if she was surprised to see that other people also existed in this universe.

J: (showing her displeasure and also her apprehension of talking to a stranger) Yeah.

Me: Going to Kpuram?

J: (still showing the same emotions on her face) No. Kakkad.

(Kakkad is second last station and Kpuram the terminus)

Me: Ok. I think the train will be pretty much crowded.

J: mmmmm (She stretched her limps, adjusted her position on the bench and again closed her eyes)

Considering the cold response I decided not to ask any more questions. I was getting bored and the announcement about the late running of the train added oil in to the fire. The heat was unbearable too. I opened my bag to search for the head phones. Music was the only solace for me now. As I was fishing my bag for the ear phones, she turned to me and asked.

J: Where are you going?

Me: Kpuram.

J: Ok. At what time will this train reach Kakkad?

Me: The right time is 11.30pm. Since the train is running late I think it will reach there past midnight.

J: Ok.

Me: Whats your name?

J: Jasna and yours?

Me: Ram

(Silence followed)

Me: Are you studying here or working?

J: Working

Me: Where?

J: I am an artist. I mean an actress.

Me: (Excited) Ok. Thats great. This is the first time I am talking to an actress.

J: I am just a struggling one. Have done quite a few albums and tele films.

And she went on to list a few. I have seen and heard a few of the albums that she mentioned but I have never noticed her. Anyway she was not the main character in any of those. But I decided not to ask any more details.

J: I came here for a shoot and now going back home. What are you doing? Working?

Me: Yeah. In an advertising and event management firm.

J: Ok. So you might have lot of contacts in the film industry. Right?

Me: No. I am doing back office work.

J: Ohh.. Ok.

J: Are you going home?

Me: Yeah. Its weekend right!

J: Yeah. Its good that you people work for 5 days and go back home during the weekend. We have no such holidays. We either have lots of work or no work at all. For us, there is no difference between a week day or a week end. (sighing)

Me: But you people make a lot of money and fame.

J: Money and fame!!!!! Phew..... Is it the only thing people need?

Me: It is usually for money and fame that people get in to this profession. Isn't it?

J: Not all. There is something called passion.... passion for acting...! But others who see it from outside think that its just for money, glamour and fame. You dont know how much we had to sacrifice to fulfill our dreams and to satisfy the passion.

Me: Yeah.... I have heard about the casting couch and stuff..... that people are exploiting the struggling actors, both physically and mentally.

J: Thats true.... We have to compromise on a lot of things.......

Suddenly her attention was diverted to a fat person dressed in white who was walking down the platform towards us. He had a thick mustache and grey hair. His neck, arms and fingers were prominently adorned with gold ornamnets. From the expressions on her face I could understand that the person was familiar to her. She smiled at him as he came towards us. She suddenly stood up and turned towards me.

J: Thats the producer of my new album. I think I have got work........ for tonight and the rest of the week. (Then she thrust a paper in to my hand) This is my contact number. Do call me if you have any work for me.....

With a wicked smile she turned towards the fat guy and walked away with him.

Before I could digest the happenings, the train slowly arrived at the station. I boarded the train still clutching the paper in my hand. My mind was fully occupied with the character I met at the station. I took a single seat near the window and unfurled the paper. I took out my phone and started dialing the number. But something deep inside me forced me to stop in between. I disconnected the call and deleted the number. With out a second thought I crushed the paper in my hand and threw it away.

I leaned back on my seat and scrolled through the phone book on my mobile until my eyes fell on the name of the most special person in my life- my better half.... my wife!!! Without any hesitation I dialed her number. I knew that she will be waiting for me back home............ always!!!!!

Optimistic Pessimism

It was General elections today and this was the first time that my precious vote was not cast, ever since I turned 18. Do I miss the black ink mark on the index finger of my left hand? Yes, I guess.

It was a holiday today, but I preferred to work (or rather come to office) eyeing the compensatory off that is to be utilized next week for my cousin's wedding. I patted myself for not heeding to the innumerous phone calls from the 'machus' from my home town. Compensatory off and wedding were my trump cards against them....

Now its 12 midnight and just one more hour to go to hit the bed. Even after a myriad of phone calls and emails, I am left with no results. A bit tired and dispirited I decided to sit back and contemplate on the directions to strike gold. I tried to reassure myself that I am here to work hard and to bring home the bacon. Be smart..... I dictated myself.... but the journey has been so long and clumsy.... so cumbersome. What it emphatically incited in me is the uttermost minifying of self-assurance and self-confidence.

Tomorrow is yet another rosy day.... starting with the same old hopes......might as well end in abjection as always.....

Optimistic pessimism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The heat

The scorching sun, the heat

and the biting wind

the charring skin, the pelt

my withering rind.

Pitted with nature's fury

feeling its utter wrath

Mightier than I could carry

cutting short my deader path.

Larn to exist in this wind

fore the final outcry

assay to gain before the end

is the moral of the story.

Living on the edge

I cannot comprehend whatever is happening to me these days. A few months before I would not have imagined that I would get stuck in such complex situations. The emotional side of me is irrepressible and yearning for more....... But whatever it is and whatever is said and done, I enjoyed those moments and would never curtail the effluence. The streaming is gentle but uninterrupted and it is feeding the thirsty banks which were pining for a driblet of water.

My first instinct was to rue over it but now I thank myself because I at least have some pleasant befalling to bite on......and have something to think about and ruminate.... my mind is now surfeited...... and thankful for having such understanding souls around me to hold on to......

Dream Castles built on sand

Today the sea was so agitated. The waves were rising high and smashing against the shore. Darkness was creeping in steadily and the sunset was sporadically veiled by the dark clouds. The beach was almost empty except for a few sea side vendors who were packing their goods and cursing the weather for marring their business. A couple of kids were busily building sand castles using the wet sand that was watered by the high waves. The Girl was standing at the far end of the beach watching the waves and mulling over the similarity between the both- the agitated sea and her demented mind.

She knew that this was the day. The day when all her dreams will be shattered. She stood there waiting for the Boy to come. He had called her earlier today and asked her to come to this place. He sounded so formal and she read the undercurrents in his words.

They used to meet at this place regularly but this was her first trip to the beach alone. Her mind was disturbed like never before. Her thoughts shifted from the agitated sea to her quondam meetings with the boy. She remembered how she used to lie on his shoulder, holding his hand and listening to all that he had to say. But now she felt so lonely and tried to divert her mind from those thoughts. But she failed miserably.....

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she did not realize the presence of the boy near her. He stood there with out disturbing her and thinking of his mission to meet her. He had come here to meet her for the last time and to bid good bye.

The strong western wind was erratically playing with her hair and the dupatta. He moved closer to her and combed her hair with his hand, lining it to the back of her ear. She was suddenly wakened from her disturbing thoughts and took a step back. There remained an uncomfortable silence in the air. She looked at him with obscured feelings waiting for him to start the conversation. It was a strange feeling since they have not remained silent like this......... not even once..... as far as she could remember. But now.... a word has become precious like an oasis in the desert.

The silence grew with the darkness and it had become unctuously unendurable. But she sincerely wished this to continue because this silence was less painful than parting.

But his mind was engrossed in different thoughts. He wanted to end this excruciating silence. He put his hands on her shoulder and whispered to her "Sorry dear..... Good bye!!!!". She felt as if she was struck by a bolt and stood there completely shocked and immoveable. Without waiting for a reply he walked past her. She stood there following his trail with her moist eyes. She wished that he will stop and will come running back to her. But he continued to walk.... without thinking of the meaningless words that he uttered. On his way, he deliberately stamped on the sand castle build by the kids, destroying it completely.... exactly the way he ruined her dream castle that was pillared with her love......!!!!!