It was raining

It was raining.....

I waited for you and you never came

It was raining.....

I saw you in his arms and you tickled my bane

It was raining.....

I saw you with your child playing in the rain

It was raining.....

I saw you weeping at the end of the nuptial game

It was raining.....

You came to me and I was vexed about defame

It was raining.....

You talked to me but I was not the same

It was raining.....

You walked away and I lolled my head in shame

It was raining....

I cried and my tears were washed away by the rain

It was raining and its still raining!!!!

The heat

The scorching sun, the heat

and the biting wind

the charring skin, the pelt

my withering rind.

Pitted with nature's fury

feeling its utter wrath

Mightier than I could carry

cutting short my deader path.

Larn to exist in this wind

fore the final outcry

assay to gain before the end

is the moral of the story.

Living on the edge

I cannot comprehend whatever is happening to me these days. A few months before I would not have imagined that I would get stuck in such complex situations. The emotional side of me is irrepressible and yearning for more....... But whatever it is and whatever is said and done, I enjoyed those moments and would never curtail the effluence. The streaming is gentle but uninterrupted and it is feeding the thirsty banks which were pining for a driblet of water.

My first instinct was to rue over it but now I thank myself because I at least have some pleasant befalling to bite on......and have something to think about and ruminate.... my mind is now surfeited...... and thankful for having such understanding souls around me to hold on to......

Dream Castles built on sand

Today the sea was so agitated. The waves were rising high and smashing against the shore. Darkness was creeping in steadily and the sunset was sporadically veiled by the dark clouds. The beach was almost empty except for a few sea side vendors who were packing their goods and cursing the weather for marring their business. A couple of kids were busily building sand castles using the wet sand that was watered by the high waves. The Girl was standing at the far end of the beach watching the waves and mulling over the similarity between the both- the agitated sea and her demented mind.

She knew that this was the day. The day when all her dreams will be shattered. She stood there waiting for the Boy to come. He had called her earlier today and asked her to come to this place. He sounded so formal and she read the undercurrents in his words.

They used to meet at this place regularly but this was her first trip to the beach alone. Her mind was disturbed like never before. Her thoughts shifted from the agitated sea to her quondam meetings with the boy. She remembered how she used to lie on his shoulder, holding his hand and listening to all that he had to say. But now she felt so lonely and tried to divert her mind from those thoughts. But she failed miserably.....

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she did not realize the presence of the boy near her. He stood there with out disturbing her and thinking of his mission to meet her. He had come here to meet her for the last time and to bid good bye.

The strong western wind was erratically playing with her hair and the dupatta. He moved closer to her and combed her hair with his hand, lining it to the back of her ear. She was suddenly wakened from her disturbing thoughts and took a step back. There remained an uncomfortable silence in the air. She looked at him with obscured feelings waiting for him to start the conversation. It was a strange feeling since they have not remained silent like this......... not even once..... as far as she could remember. But now.... a word has become precious like an oasis in the desert.

The silence grew with the darkness and it had become unctuously unendurable. But she sincerely wished this to continue because this silence was less painful than parting.

But his mind was engrossed in different thoughts. He wanted to end this excruciating silence. He put his hands on her shoulder and whispered to her "Sorry dear..... Good bye!!!!". She felt as if she was struck by a bolt and stood there completely shocked and immoveable. Without waiting for a reply he walked past her. She stood there following his trail with her moist eyes. She wished that he will stop and will come running back to her. But he continued to walk.... without thinking of the meaningless words that he uttered. On his way, he deliberately stamped on the sand castle build by the kids, destroying it completely.... exactly the way he ruined her dream castle that was pillared with her love......!!!!!

Delicious ambiguity

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next........ Delicious ambiguity"

Author: Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

Pic Courtesy: www.fridgedoor.com

Life...... gimme more!!!!!

The title seems like an avaricious goof's lament. But please don't be prejudiced... I am not one of those goofs who make a hue and cry that nothing is enough. I do realize that everybody desires more out of life and is not allayed with whatever they have..... and you may term me as one of them. But let me explain.....

It has been almost 4 years since I have become stagnant, both professionally and personally. Looking out for a new job or a new relationship gives me absolute creeps!!! I am afraid of things going wrong.... afraid of taking the turns.... afraid of meeting with failure.... and i know all these are common aches.... yet when it comes to self, its disgusting.

In a job, what would you feel if your are asked to report vertically, horizontally and diagonally??? Would you sense a role conflict?? Would you feel that the enjoyment is being tweeted out of your work??? How would you feel if you are over-supervised and duties are not delegated in the way it should be??? Its inviolable pandemonium!!!! And I am virtually in the heart of this bedlam.

I have been trying to change myself to fit to the environment. Trying to see the virtuous side of it with out complaining. But now it has come to an impasse... I want things to change.... I want things to be different...... I am ready to fight for a brand new beginning... ready to sacrifice... ready to forfeit all those comforts and comfort zones..... and in reciprocation I want life to give me more!!!!!!

Half measures

"She taught me to laugh,

to be kind yet tough,

and that half measures

are never enough"

-To my mother by Leonard Wise

Faded destination

Its very dingy and depressing to be unsuccessful. Its even more sore to realize our abominable workmanship. The craft of being successful has become a faded illusion to me. Now standing at the brink of a passing year, nothing is left in it for me to rejoice..... let alone survive!!!!!

Now I am ignorant of directions and I dont see any roads leading me to my destination.... I am wonderstruck since I dont actualize any destination at all....!!!!!!

Identify the 'real dogs'!!!!!

I was taken aback by the comment passed by the Chief Minister of the most literate state in India about the martyrdom of Sandeep Unnikrishnan. He stated that if it was not for Sandeep not even a dog would have turned towards them. He neither showed due respect to the patriot who laid his life for the country nor did he seem to be politically and diplomatically correct. In a country were diplomacy is always given a chance even when the heart has been shelled in to pieces, this should not have been a surprise to anybody.

We shed a part of our income to pay these public servants who has no control not even on their tongue. Lets take an example...... we have a maid servant at home and we pay her to do her job in the most appropriate manner. If she fails continuously to do her duties, what would be our reaction???? Will we keep her forever or we replace her with another one???? But in our democratic set up, we have to wait for 5 long years to show our reaction or objection to these hare brained and insane individuals.

I wonder where Mr. Maratha- jai Maharashtra- Raj Thackerey was when Mumbai was quivering in the terror attacks. It seems that his policy was not to allow any non maratha to live in Mumbai and it doesn't pertain to non Indians at all. Terrorists are most welcome. Very amusing policy indeed!!!! Mr. Maratha should realize that those brave Indian Commandos who lost their lifes to liberate the city were not marathas alone but were from different parts of India. Its time for Mr. Maratha to agnize that attacking the innocent people who come to Mumbai to earn their livelihood is not the right way to define bravery. If he really loves his birth place, then take action to restrict the entry of foreign terrorists who spits fireballs on the heart of the Motherland.

I know that nothing is going to change. Diplomacy will be given yet another chance. And all those "enlightened" rulers of the country will try to remain politically correct sacrificing the beautiful face of our Motherland.

Punjab da sher

[caption id="attachment_152" align="alignnone" width="470" caption="nandu my nephew"][/caption]

Sher-e-Punjab: Nandu ready for a costume party on Grand Parents day

My Web 2.0 odyssey

I am a fervid user of social networking sites and blogs. Little did I realize that I am due to sell this technology to corporates in a country hit drastically by the economic disaster or “slow down”- just to go by the common term. Never in my wildest imagination did I ideate that Orkut, Facebook and YouTube had so much to do with collaborative computing and web 2.0.

Nowadays, whenever I log in to any of these sites, I fail to see the beauty and utility of these applications….. I forget to realize the essence and gist of these tools…. what curbs my mind is collaboration, content-syndication, messaging-protocols, plugins, widgets etc which broadly comes under the term coined by Tim O’Reilly as Web 2.0.

Now I realize that the beauty of anything and everything will be at sea when we understand what it is made of….. whether it is technical applications or human beings… the less we know, the more we like it…. and familiarity indeed breeds contempt……

Quitting vagabondage

It has been more than a month since I wrote something here. Was a bit busy with work and the time in office was a hectic caboodle of chafes. A whole lot of assignments and a new but tight schedule as well. The clocks were adjusted to account for the daylight savings time and that entailed that my sleep will be delayed for an hour more.

The pilgrimage season has begun and I am on a fasting fling. That implicated a strict shift in my zoophagous food habits and strict abstinence from any form of flirting (mental & physical), insobrieties and tipsinesses. The facial growth is getting denser with every passing day and hopefully I am bound for a weight loss too. The purity of mind and body are basal requisites during this period of austerity..... and that is an acclivitous task.........!!!!! I am tripping and falling.... straining to get up again and to be on course...... believing that I could elapse through the whole episode, perhaps with a bit of pain...... and ofcourse with His blessings...!!!!!!!!!

My Favorite Quotes From The Book Eleven Minutes By Paulo Coelho

My Favorite Quotes From The Book Eleven Minutes By Paulo Coelho

• "At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss."


• "While she was waiting for her Prince Charming to appear, all she could do was dream."


• "She had to content herself with loving and suffering in silence until the end."


• "When we meet someone and fall in love, we have a sense that the whole universe is on our side.  And yet if something goes wrong, there is nothing left!  How is it possible for the beauty that was there only minutes before to vanish so quickly?  Life moves very fast.  It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds."


• "...but something always went wrong, and the relationship would end precisely at the moment when she was sure that this was the person with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life.  After a long time, she came to the conclusion that men brought only pain, frustration, suffering and a sense of time dragging."


• "I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure.  It's all a question of how I view my life."


• "(Don't) listen to the malicious comments of those friends who, never taking any risks themselves, can only see other people's failures."


• "If I can walk on my own, I can go wherever I like."


• "Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant."


• "Despite her apparent freedom, her life consisted of endless hours spent waiting for a miracle, for true love, for an adventure with the same romantic ending she had seen in films and read about in books.  A writer once said that it is not time that changes a man, nor knowledge; the only thing that can change someone's mind is love.  What nonsense!  The person who wrote that clearly knew only one side of the coin.  Love was undoubtedly one of the things capable of changing a person's whole life, from one moment to the next.  But there was the other side of the coin, the second thing that could make a human being take a totally different course from the one he or she had planned; and that was called despair.  Yes, perhaps love really could transform someone, but despair did the job more quickly."


• "Beauty changes as swiftly as the wind."


• "Humans can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness.  It is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings."


• "In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feeling and cannot blame someone else for what we feel."


• "As if everything had been ordained by fate, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if she had known this man all her life or had already lived this moment in dreams and now knew what to do in reality..."


• "That's my one great virtue: I refuse to deceive myself of you.  Because it's not worth it, because you don't merit a lie."


• "If he was the man she wanted him to be, he would not be intimidated by her silence."


• "Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle."


• "...but he should understand my insecurities, because I'm a woman, I'm fragile, and when I'm in that place, I'm a different person."


• "Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it.  But in order to do that, we need the other person.  The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with."


• "I've learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you're with me, even when you're not by my side."


• "Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone.  >From that point onwards, things change, the man and the woman come into play, but what happens before--the attraction that brought them together--is impossible to explain.  It is untouched desire in its purest state.  When desire is still in this pure state, the man and the woman fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously, always ready to celebrate the next blessing.  When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate events with unthinking actions.  They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself.  When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let slip a single magic moment, because they respect the importance of each second."


• "Now that she had nothing to lose, she was free."


• "And that was now her great joy: to say to reality that she didn't need it, that she was not longer dependent on what happened in order to be happy."


• "Now she was searching once more for her reason for living, or, rather, for the kind of utter surrender by which a person offers his or her heart and asks for nothing in return."


• "Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place.  The greatest pleasure isn't sex, but the passion with which it is practiced.  When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim."


• "Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they're not.  When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing.  They can stay together for hours, even days.  They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or--such is the pleasure they experience--they may never finish it.  No eleven minutes for them."


• "Every human being experiences his or her own desire; it is part of our personal treasure and, although, as an emotion, it can drive people away, generally speaking, it brings those who are important to us closer.  It is an emotion chosen by my soul, and it is so intense that it can infect everything and everyone around me.  Each day I choose the truth by which I try to live.  I try to be practical, efficient, professional.  But I would like to be able always to choose desire as my compassion.  Not out of obligation, not to lesson my loneliness, but because it is good.  Yes, very good."


• "The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.  Anyway, if my love is real (and not just a way of distracting myself, deceiving myself, and passing the time that never seems to pass in this city), freedom will conquer jealousy and any pain it causes me, since pain is also part of the natural process.  Anyone who practices sport know of this: if you want to achieve your objectives, you have to be prepared for a daily dose of pain or discomfort.  At first, it's unpleasant and de motivating, but in time you'll come to realize that it's part of the process of feeling good, and the moment arrives when, if you don't feel pain, you have a sense that the exercises aren't having the desired effect."


• "If you love another person, you don't depend on the sex act in order to feel good."


• "The world enjoys suffering and pain.  There's sadism in the way we look at these things, and masochism in our conclusion that we don't need to know all this in order to be happy, and yet we watch other people's tragedies and sometimes suffer along with them."


• "As I say, it's the human condition.  Ever since we were expelled from paradise, we have either been suffering, making other people suffer or watching the suffering of others.  It's beyond our control."


• "Why was it that in God's holy world men were only interested in showing her pain.  Sacred pain, pain with pleasure, pain with explanations or without, but always pain, pain, pain..."


• "'I felt that pain is a woman's friend.'  'That is the danger.'  'I also felt that pain has it's limits.'  'That is the salvation.  Don't forget that.'"


• "That's why I'm telling you: don't get used to it, because it's very easy to become habituated; it's a very powerful drug.  It's in our daily lives, in our hidden suffering, in the sacrifices we make, blaming love for the destruction of our dreams.  Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but it's seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self-denial.  Or cowardice.  However much we may reject it, we human being always find a way of being with pain, of flirting with it and making it part of our lives."


• "Pain and suffering are used to justify the only thing that should bring only joy: love."


• "I need to love--that's all, I need to love.  Life is too short, or too long, for me to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly."


• "Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted.  Eve was afraid to follow her path without someone to help her, and so she wanted to share what she was feeling.  Certain things cannot be shared.  Nor can we be afraid of the oceans into which we plunge of our own free will; fear cramps everyone's style.  Man goes through hell in order to understand this.  Love one another, but let's not try to possess one another."


• "Always making plans for the future, and always being surprised by the present."


• "In all the languages in the world, there is the same proverb: 'What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't grieve over.'  Well, I say that there isn't an ounce of truth in it.  The further off they are, the closer to the heart are all those feelings that we try to repress and forget.  If we're in exile, we want to store away every tiny memory of our roots.  If we're far from the person we love, everyone we pass in the street reminds us of them."


• "The only thing she could do now was to shed a few tears, feeling rather afraid of herself, an intelligent young woman, who had everything going for her, but who tended to make wrong decisions.  She just hoped that this time she was right."


• "She made this promise because she knew love's traps all too well, and knew how easily they can change a woman's mind."

A blithe theory

Being a man, I envy women for a whole lot of things. A man can never ever enjoy the pleasure of breast feeding nor could he experience the feeling of carrying a life inside his body. I asked quite a few mothers what they felt when they breast feed their babies. But none could give me a pleasing account on their experience.

One of my friends, ofcourse a man, explained to me an amusing theory on this topic. According to his school of thought, those baby boys who bite their mamma's nipples while breast feeding will grow up to become heterosexual men and the others become gays..... that was quite funny indeed. I wonder what might be the case with baby girls...... :-)

What a way to explain sexual orientation!!!!!!

Today.........

Today..............

Today... I feel like my hands are empty and my heart is vacuous ...... but if I assay to drop a word, I know it will spill over......... Its time for self discovery... not for self amelioration or self improvement.... because without discovering the lost self it would be inconceivable to improve......

I am trying to tune in to the music that my heart ineluctably needs.... but the chords are so wispy and obscure that I cant make out even a single note.... I want to accede in to a trance.... even that is unattainable.....

I am sacking the thoughts right here for the fear that it would bubble over.........!!!!

but "today"............. I wish....

Paulo Coelho: Post cards

[gallery]

Music in the Womb

This is my 38th week in my mother's womb. I am too excited to see the outer world... to experience the first breath....to feel the fresh air..... to see the world around....

Mom is also excited but she is frightened too....a typical delirium... she says that I have started moving tempestuously..... she can feel my hiccups too.... I am practicing breathing and blinking ;-)

My organs are fully developed now and the skin has started turning pink. My toenails and fingernails have grown to the tips of toes and fingers and my muscles are getting stronger too... Mom is feeling extremely uncomfortable and clumsier and is hurriedly packing her bags for the week long hospital detainment....

I am getting ready too... preparing to bid adieu to my 38 week old shelter... to become free from the armour.... but suddenly something started perturbing me.... i am going to miss this place.... I am going to miss the warmth of this adorable abode.... I am going to miss the lovely music vibrating inside.....reverberated by mom's unending love for the unseen piece of her own bod.....

I want to cry out aloud.... begging her to keep me inside.... to bask in the warmth of her womb and to relish the aeonian music......

Nice quotes

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.”

“And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.”

by Colin Raye


“I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”

by Theodore Isaac Rubin

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother;for those were some of the best times of my life.”

“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry.”

Nine minutes

I felt like in heaven, when you were near me,
your hand over mine and legs across mine....
I took you in my arms and you never said no,
you gave me your lips and I kissed it with love....
I held your hips and pulled you towards me,
I felt your heart beats beating against mine,
I felt the warmth of your breath and
your breast never tried to be free from me....
The taste of your ears became mine,
your hair tangled with my beard and chest....
and it seemed you were counting my heart beats....
It was not long when that moment came,
with a heavenly jerk I was deep inside you......
measuring the unfathomable depth of your juciy inside..
and before I could say I love you,
it was all over and I was resting
on your beautiful self
counting your innumerable sighs........!!!!!!

As we grow up

I was browsing through some of the e-cards in the net and I bumped upon this one.....It was a colourful card with lots of floral designs. But it was the words that struck a chord somewhere in my mind.... Here it is... just for you........enjoy!!!!
 
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin....."